Victoria's Secret. At times I have criticized the models as not being life-like. I mean how many women do you know in your everyday real life that look like that? So I got to thinking the other day about what I believed to be a brilliant idea... um... at first. This idea of mine is for a publication of a special edition catalogue issue of "VICTORIA'S SECRET EVERYDAY WOMEN". Come on, you have to admit it sounds appealing to all of us 'everyday women', right?! I began to explore this idea of mine and envisioning the women I know in place of these svelte beauties currently modeling V.S. wares.
Unfortunately, sometimes the dream is better than the reality. I can just see it now...
I'm in the service waiting lounge of the local Garage getting tires put on my car. I thumb through the selection of mags sitting on the side table. "Golf America" *pass*, "Cooking At Home 365 Days A Year" *PASS*, "Arts & Crafts Galore" *eh pass*, "Victoria's Secret Special Edition Featuring Everyday Women" *Cool! I need a new bra.*
Page 3: Oh look! There's the 'Oh So Slender Thigh Slimmer'... uh oh, having a bit of trouble taming Martha's saddle bags.
Page 8: Lois is modeling a Flyaway Babydoll nightie. She's actually in really good shape. So it wouldn't be half bad if she hadn't torn her rotator cuff back in 1998 and hasn't shaved her armpits since. Not to mention the hairy belly trail leading down from her belly button that looks like she swiped it off a construction worker.
Page 17: Ruby, from Willard Street, shows off the new Racerback bra with an unfortunate case of back acne.
Page 20: I could have lived my whole life without seeing the scalloped Cheeky Panty modeled by my cousin Agnes.
Page 22: AUNT LAVINA?!?! She's had a losing battle with age spots and skin tags for years now!
Page30: I'm almost to the last page. I can do this. It's a good thing. Everyday women. Women that are real. Respectable women that deserve to be looked up to and idolized. But I can't do it. Why? Because I recognize the feet of this woman on this page and I-just-can't-do-it! It's the feet I see everyday of my life... it's ME!!!
By now I've got the cold sweats and feel completely nauseated. Cellulite, varicose veins, skin tags, oooohhh and those dreaded moles with hair growing out of them. Nope, this is NOT a good idea! There is no amount of purple leopard, party pink or safari print that can change my mind! The next time I shop for a bra I want to see it on a model, not my aunt. Yes, that's right, I want to keep my little illusion that once I slip that sucker on I'll look a little more svelte RATHER than having all hope dashed ahead of time! On second thought... if there's ever a Victoria's Secret Catalogue published with everyday women, that's fine, just as long as it's not the women I know.