About Me

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This blog is 99% humor with a dash of 1% serious. Go ahead, sit back, relax and enjoy the funnier side of everyday life. Whatever you do, DON'T forget to read the older posts. Each one is an animal all of it's own, REALLY! ***********ALSO... In each "FRUGAL FIX" post I give out awesome coupon codes and freebies. WEEEEE!! Stay tuned to consume!


1 Year Ago "Excuse Me, Did You Know...? " Was Born...

When I wrote this a year ago, it helped me work through my misplaced feelings of responsibility...

All of my life I have been plagued with a type of dilemma. Do I or don't I? Don't I or do I? That dilemma of which I speak and have struggled with for so long is... When somebody has something on their face, do I take the liberty of pointing it out to them or let them find it in their own time? After much deliberation I came to the conclusion that the thoughtful thing to do is to speak up. After all, who wants to look in the mirror one day and realize you've been walking around all this time, talking to people no less, with THAT on your face?!

Okay, so I pulled up my mental boot straps and prepared myself to fulfil my civic duty. As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long. I saw my opportunity. I gracefully and inconspicuously leaned near the person in need and relayed my message. I revealed to them the embarrassing thing on their face that they were obviously not aware of because, well, it was still on their face. And was I thanked? No! Quite the contrary actually.

At first I thought it might have been an isolated incident. But then it seemed to follow the same trend with each person I helped. Not a one of them was appreciative! Not the woman I discreetly pointed out the unsightly mole, with dark hair sprouting out of it, growing on the side of her cheek. Even though I offered her the number of a dermatologist that does fantastic and painless mole removal. Not the man that I so kindly pointed out that he had stray nose hairs coming out of both nostrils that resembled Kansas tumble weeds. 
Nor the other woman, when I called her attention to the down right offensive uni-brow she was sporting that would have put Frida Kahlo to shame!
Frida Kahlo 1907-1954: Pain and Passion
Nope, not one speck of gratitude from any of them.

From here on out I consider myself off the hook. I'm officially hanging up my good Samaritan smock. Miss Priss can just continue modeling her mustache for all I care and Mr. Fancy Pants can carry on cultivating a briar patch in his ears. May you all, one day, take a closer look in the mirror.


1 Year Ago "What She (DOESN'T) Tell You In Her Cute Little Public Health Journal" Was Born...

When I wrote this a year ago I felt (and still feel) full disclosure is a good thing!  Well, at the very least, a lot more entertaining...

I recently read a health journal a 30 something woman had posted for the whole world to see and envy. It was a run down of her day including exercise and the foods she ate. As I read through it I felt like something was missing. Perhaps the whole truth! I have taken it upon myself to post a true-to-life health journal that includes the things "they" (don't) tell us...

DAY 29

~ Woke up in time to see the sun rising this morning
(panicked when I couldn't remember what day it was)

~ Performed a delicious full body stretch
(expelled a tremendous amount of gas)

~ Bounded out of bed ready to start the day
(landed on a binder clip, pointy side up #@*!)

~ Got ready for my morning jog by putting on my adorable tank with cutie pie cotton/Lycra shorts
(so my thighs won't chaff anymore, maybe I should consider aqua jogging instead)

~ Ran 3 miles in record time
(because the BIG call of nature came knocking once I was a mile and a half from home... I knew I should have taken the time to go before I left!)

~ Showered
(didn't shave my legs again - they're starting to look a little hypertrichotic)

~ Ate a yummy breakfast of 3 walnuts and 2 blueberries
(15 minutes later was still starving so went to McDonalds and ordered a McGriddle meal - WOW did that hit the spot!)

~ Went to work

~ Ate a nutritious lettuce wrap for lunch
(on my break ran to the car and snarfed a Snicker candy bar and downed a Dr. Pepper)

~ Enjoyed the drive home with the windows down
(stupid air conditioner is on the fritz again)

~ Made a simple quick supper
(Hamburger Helper)

~ Did some end-of-day weight training to work my pectorals which is paying off because my breasts are definitely looking perkier
(too bad I'm a AA cup)

~ Went to bed really early, gotta get my beauty rest - sweet dreams everybody:)
(Insomnia hit. Got back up. Dug a Hostess Twinkie out of the back of my closet and guzzled a glass of whole milk. Got back in bed and slept like a baby.)


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1 Year Ago "YOU DON'T KNOW ME... OR HIM, HER OR THEM!" Was Born...

I came to the conclusion a year ago that sometimes you just have to call a spade, a spade.  I think you'll agree when you read on...

We've all ran across them in our journeys through the land of Internet. We've all taken a turn secretly reading or watching them with the tiny glimmer of hope that valuable information is indeed hidden somewhere, surely, in the depth of their bowels. I would be referring to Home Grown Tutorials that leave us saying, "SERIOUSLY?!?!"

In honor of our fellow helpful friends out there I have put together a little tidbit of my own. So sit up, take notes and be ready to learn, well, maybe...

How To Write Non Fiction Well

There is one thing a nonfiction author must be vigilant about - human privacy. Over the many years I have been writing I have honed this skill of mine to a razor sharp edge. With my eyes closed I can change names, places and social security numbers to protect the privacy of the individuals I'm writing about. I don't do it too often that way, write with my eyes closed, when I'm using pen and paper because I tend to not be able to write in a straight line. I suggest keeping your training wheels on when just starting out, so keep your eyes open for the first little while. Of course you can use real names if you get a signed consent, but I'm not talking about that so just shelve it and zip your lip! I will now instruct you fledglings in the art of changing names.

The trick is to change the name without changing any integral part of the character, for we all know that is a risk we take since a person's name has such meaning. I mean would The Incredible Hulk been near as menacing if they had called him The Incredible Hank?! I think not!!

Where was I? Ah yes, saving integrity. The name 'Chris' is a good one to use as an example here. I simply change the first letter and end up with 'Kris' - no integrity is lost but identity has been changed. The next name I'm going to use here is 'Jane'. Hmmm, on second thought, you can keep any 'Jane' as 'Jane' because most likely your audience will think you are referring to 'Jane Doe'.

Lastly, here is my most ultimate trick of all of my tricks of the trade. Sometimes I'll even go that one extra mile and really flex my name changing muscle. Take heed. Foreign language. Yes, that is right, at times I'll go as far as changing the person's name to a name in a totally different language. Spanish tends to be my language of choice but another good one is Swahili . You'll notice that I can take 'John' and in a flash obscure his identity with the Spanish name 'Juan'.

That wraps up this session of How To Write Non Fiction Well. Good luck in your venture as an author and remember not to forget those of us who have been willing to freely share our wealth of knowledge with you along the way.


1 Year Ago "KUDOS KOTEX" Was Born...

"KUDOS KOTEX" was my very first post and the beginning of my words-running-wild adventure...

It's the truly simple things in life that add a spring to one's step, smile to the face, sunshine to a rainy day, sugar to the cinnamon, icing on the cake, okay okay you get the point. I found one of those things the other day when shopping for the impending visit of Mother Nature. All of you women out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Every month without fail she shows up like a no-good rotten sister-in-law whose only joy in life is to steal our happiness and make us miserable every second she's around. Several times over the years I've tried to revoke visitation rights to no avail. So back to this simple little thing I found. I was carusing um I mean perusing (I believe I just created a new word combination using perusing and carousing, although I assure you I have never felt like carousing in this particular environment) the pad aisle when my eyes zeroed in on the coolest pad packaging I have ever seen. Don't let anyone ever tell you product marketing doesn't work! I believe Kotex U has perfected this very trick!

It was a sleek matte black box, the size of a recipe box to be precise. Unlike the boxes of old that were the sterile color of stark white and the size of a small hope chest screaming, "SANITARY NAPKIN ANYONE?!?! HOW 'BOUT YOU SIR, YES YOU, THE MAN WHO IS STANDING BY MY CART TRYING NOT TO NOTICE!! OR RATHER YOU YOUNG MAN RINGING ME UP AT THE CASH REGISTER, SURELY YOU WOULD LIKE A PAD!!!"

No, this one was what I consider a work of art with an awesome artistic gloss black circle-y swirl all over it. I might add here that the same circle-y design is imprinted on the actual pad themselves in the mood uplifting color of electric blue. On the front of the box is a little see through window that shows the gorgeous brilliant colored plastic covers that held the pads inside. Not only that but all of the writing on the box is in English and French... FRENCH! Tell me, has any other pad been able to conjure up such mystique in the face of such a dreaded time of the month?!

Thanks to these pads I am now positive it is totally Vogue to have all your parts and pieces working each month. I might even take up learning French! So what if all I can say is "Pare-fruites laterauz doux comme du coton - une protection pleine longueur, vraiment!"* It will sound gorgeous and mysterious rolling off my tongue. Surely an amazing woman from the heart of Paris, with a period of her own, is responsible for such art and ingenious! I plan on displaying them proudly upon my crystal pedestal cake stand on the bathroom counter. And once the box is empty I shall prolong the air of intrigue by using it for a recipe card holder, for after all, you'll recall that's the precise size of the box.

Take a look at these little treasures! Try, just try, to tell me these puppies aren't the epitome of chic period!
U by Kotex CleanWear Ultra Thin Regular Pads with Wings, 18-count Boxes (Pack of 6)U by Kotex Barely There Pantiliners, 60-count Boxes (Pack of 4)Kotex U By Kotex Tween Ultra Thin Pad with wings and Liners Combo Pack, 24 Count (Pack of 2)U by Kotex AllNighter Overnight Pads, 14-count Boxes (Pack of 6)
Now when you pluck one of these off the shelf you don't have to bury it under that bushel of apples, loaf of bread and super size bag of chips. Put it on the top of the heap and be proud to be a woman!

*English translation: "Cottony soft side barriers - full length protection, for real!"

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It's Happy 1 Year Anniversary To Me... REALLY!

Birth of a Star Poster Print, 34x22 Poster Print, 34x22 Poster Print, 34x22

Okay, actually yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of REALLY!   In honor of this very important milestone I am going to display some of my favorite posts*of this past year.  Have fun, because that's the whole point!

* Did I mention, all of the posts are my fave?

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Want a FREE Party Platter for that Grad Party?

Head down to Chili's between 6/1/11 and 6/12/11, and you'll get a FREE Chips and Salsa Party Platter with purchase of any full-size Party Platter.  Don't forget your coupon... PRINT COUPON HERE

Knock Knock...Knock Knock...Knock Knock

Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? Classic
Where On Earth is Carmen Sandiego?Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?: Timing Is EverythingNobody's home.  What is up with that?!!  Don't you hate it when someone just disappears with no explanation... especially when it's your freebie hostess?  Hey, life happens to all of us - I'm back now though so get ready for more fun deals!!!!!!  
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego


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